


Have I Mentioned That I’m Gay Today?

by EmeraldAshes



Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Office, But He's Still Kind of a Dick, Comedy, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Nice Gabriel (Good Omens), Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), crowley is a troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22092781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldAshes/pseuds/EmeraldAshes
Summary: After three years, Aziraphale finally finds an opportunity to come out at the office, his manager Gabriel tries way too hard to be supportive, Beelzebub just wants everyone to shut up, and Crowley is having altogether too much fun with this.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley & Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527989
Comments: 41
Kudos: 372
Collections: Good Omens Human AUs





	Have I Mentioned That I’m Gay Today?

**Author's Note:**

> From first concept to published fic in 3.5 hours. This might be a record for me...but the odds of typos are way up because of it. Let me know if you catch any?

The trouble with coming out of the closet, Aziraphale found, was that every time you went somewhere new, there you were again -- hidden away in the dark, wondering if it's safe to open the door. It had been 3 years now, and he still had not found an opportune moment to come out to his colleagues, though there had been an _abundance_ of inopportune moments. For example:

"Very nice to meet you," Aziraphale might have said on his first day. "I'm homosexual."

Perhaps he might have mentioned it when Gabriel had complained about all the traffic caused by last year's Pride Parade.

Or, when Madame Tracy brought in cookies around Christmastime, he could have said, "Thank you. I love sweets. Also men."

He finally found a decent opening three years, four months, and a few days into his employment when Sandalphon asked him about his weekend. "Ah, yes, well, I went to the sea with my boyfriend. It was very nice."

Sandalphon spluttered, "You have a boyfriend!?" alerting everyone within a ten-foot radius. With the typical speed of office gossip, the rest of the building should be informed by lunch. 

Uriel's head popped up from her cubicle. "Boyfriend?"

"It's quite new," Aziraphale said a touch apologetically. With any luck, Gabriel would be late this morning and, oh, speak of the devil. There he was with a briefcase in hand and eyes wide.

"I didn't know you were...not that there's anything…" Gabriel approached and put a hand on Aziraphale's shoulder. "That's great. Thank you for sharing with us."

“You’re welcome?”

Gabriel then strode back into his office with a too-cheerful, "I'd better get to work. Happy Monday, everyone!"

Well, that could have gone worse.

"I just don't understand why he didn't tell me," Gabriel grumbled to Beelzebub later that day as they waited for a client to arrive for a sure-to-be-tedious meeting. 

"You're his boss."

"Do you think it's because I'm a Christian?"

"Drop the persecution complex, Gabriel.”

"I'm not _that_ kind of Christian. I thought I made that clear to everyone. I've been pretty good about your pronoun thing."

"Maybe it's because you're a gossip," Beelzebub muttered, trying to zone into their emails and out of whatever Gabriel had decided to start going on about this time. 

"I am NOT."

"What do you think you're doing _right now?_ "

When one of the tech guys opened the door, Gabriel turned to him. "Did _you_ know Aziraphale is gay?"

A lesser person might have groaned. Beelzebub merely made a mental note to approach HR. Metatron would surely be thrilled.

Crowley grabbed a chair. "Well, yeah. I'm not an idiot."

"Did he tell you?" Gabriel continued. 

"Not exactly." Crowley grinned. "But when I asked him out and he said yes, I just sort of assumed."

"Wait, you're…" Gabriel stood. "That's it. I'm putting up a Safe Space sign at my desk."

As the middle manager stormed out, Crowley called after him, "There are crayons in my top drawer, if you need any."

He then turned to Beelzebub. "You think he'll be back in time for this meeting?"

Beelzebub continued to tap at their keyboard. "No. Why are you here?"

Crowley rolled his chair over to peered at their screen. "I'm Tech Support. I'm supporting you with the tech."

"Like what."

"Do you know how to work the smartscreen?"

Beelzebub looked up for the first time since Gabriel had opened his mouth several minutes earlier. "Yes."

Crowley blinked. "Really? You should have seen the last time Michael tried to set up a Skype call. I thought someone was going to lose their head."

Beelzebub continued to stare dully at him, using their lifelong case of Resting Death Glare to full effect. 

"Well, my work here is done," Crowley said as he tripped out of his chair and scrambled toward the door. "Guess I'll go see if Gabe found those crayons."

Gabriel had not found the crayons. He had, however, managed to pick a fight over the phone. “No, we can’t just split up into two rooms. I’m trying to build a team here!”

“He’s attempting to book an escape room,” Aziraphale informed Crowley with a longsuffering sigh, “since we ‘lack group cohesion.’”

“This company is a family and we are BREAKING APART,” Gabriel thundered into the receiver.

“I love your boss,” Crowley said. 

“Oh, do be nice.” 

Crowley casually leaned against Aziraphale’s desk. “No, I mean it. Ever since I showed him how to use keyboard shortcuts, he thinks I’m a wizard, and it really brightens up my day when he gets confused and starts shouting at the Keurig. He’s my favorite coworker.”

Aziraphale pouted. “I thought I was your favorite coworker.”

Crowley ruffled Aziraphale's hair, relishing the blond’s offended expression. “Nah. You’re a great boyfriend, but you’re a so-so coworker. Kind of a bore, really...You think I can get an invite to the escape room if I subtly imply it would be discrimination if he leaves me out?”

Aziraphale huffed, turning to his computer. “Don’t you have work to do?”

Crowley said, “Nah, not really. I automated 90% of my job during my first week, so I mostly pretend to work. Sometimes, if I pretend hard enough, things actually get done.”

Aziraphale suppressed a smile and spoke sternly. “Well, I have work to do.”

“See?” Crowley said as he strolled past their eavesdropping coworkers. “This is why Gabriel is my favorite.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, then you might also enjoy my Good Omens oneshot "The Client From Hell."


End file.
